upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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