i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
