Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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