You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
as a side note pls kill me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
