Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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