TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
