Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
