I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize