I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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