i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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