If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
