im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
