He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
