Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
