Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
