Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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