is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
