May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
