Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
