i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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