You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
