You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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