I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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