fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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