K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
