Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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