is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
