I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
even my farts smell like vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
