I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
