I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
