I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
