The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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