i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
