lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
