Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
