Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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