So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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