Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't want my vagina anymore.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
