needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
