his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
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Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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