it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
