About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
