You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
