good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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