8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
