That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
