Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
