i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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