chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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