the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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