How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
