Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
