the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
