i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
