If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
