none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
