if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We need to get me chipped asap
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
