some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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