yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
