EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
