alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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