ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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