Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
