That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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