hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
